Ok, so heres the scoop, we'll go back a couple weeks. i had been feelin kinda crappy. real run down and just all around blah. i was having a really hard time breathing and had a bad back ache, worse then ususal. so i called my doctors office one morning to make an appointment. the receptionist told me that they had no appointments for the week and i should go to ER. so away we went. when we arrived they asked what brought me in and i said i felt like i had a kidney issue because of the back pain. they took me back into a room and gave me some pain meds. they took me for a scan and saw that my gall bladder was very swollen and told me it would be best if i had it out asap. they set up an appointment with a surgeon for the next day and we were discharged.

tuesday liz took me to the surgeons office. he talked to me for a second, poked around my belly and we set up surgery for the following monday. the ER doc had prescribed me some vicodin and flexril so i was set for drugs and figured i would be alright until d-day. i wasn't. thursday i ended up calling the surgeons office begging be seen sooner because i couldn't handle the pain. the nurse told me to go to ER because his schedule was full and only the ER docs could tack me on to the end of the schedule. so again, off we went.

they got me to a room and loaded me up with the beloved pain meds again and there we sat and waited and waited and waited. finally around 530 they gave me a massive dose of meds and wheeled me down to surgery. htey told steve it would be a couple of hours and he could wait in the waiting room. 5 and a half hours later they got me to wake up. they had pulled my breathing tube too soon and i wasn't breathing so they had to cram it back in and wait a while longer. they had a hard time gettign me to wake up, i think they gave me too much anestethia. when i finally did come too i thought i was on the floor at save-a-lot being attacked so i was swatting at everyone hoovering over me and i was yelling for steve. they brought him into the room, which they normally won't do, but i wouldnt calm down, so they had to. i still thought i was on teh floor and no one would help me up for like 10 minutes. he told me the surgery had gone well, but the gall bladder was so swollen he almost had to open me up instead of just finishing with the laprascopic surgery. i was sent to my recovery room and released the next day...with another script for vikes.

i was in more pain post-surgery than i was with the afflicted gall bladder. i couldnt lay down, i couldn;t sleep and i would sit up and scream from teh pain at night. after i got home steve had to take orion to the doctor...turned out he had a double eye infection, double ear infetion and a sinus infection. and i wasnt allowed to hold him because of the surgery. i felt like the worst mom ever. it was almost a blessing that amway called a weeks worth of no-work days, so steve could take care of us both.

i started having a pain in my left arm and i was just feelin goverall really crappyt still so i had gina take me back to the surgeons office. he poked at my arm, told me i was fine and to put heat on it. and sent me to get an ultrasound on my abdomen to make sure there was no infection under the incisions. i went to that and the results were that i was fine i was just taking longer to heal.

2 days later i went back to the surgeon for my inal check up where i told him again taht my arm hurt, i had a history of clots and i thought i had one. he told me to put ice on it and i was fine. i was not satisfied with his non-chalant attitude toward something i considered semi-serious. i don't like being blown off. so when i got home i called me regular doc and asked to see him for a once over, just to make sure the surgeon hadn't missed a blood clot. again there were no appointments available anbd they told me to go to the med center or the ER. that was one week after surgery...

i went thru that nighgt and the following day in agony. finally at about 130 am sunday morning i called my dad and asked him to come to our house and watch the kids so that steve could take me to ER. i was in excruciating pain and i was having a really hard time breathing.

when i got here they put me in a room but didn't give me drugs for a while. they gave me a chest scan and found a blood clot in my right lung. when he told me that it scared the hell out of me. he decided to admit me and get additional testing. they gave me drugs and got me into a room. steve went home to the boys and here i was, alone in the hospital scared to death.

they took me for an ultrasound on my extremities and found 2 more blood clots, one in my left arm and one in my left thigh/hip area. which i knew were there, but the doctor wouldn't listen to me. i have since forgiven him for his iniquities and shortcomings. i just pray he pays more attention to the next patient to voices a concern like mine.

soon after they found these 2 clots they decided to send me for an echo. basically an ultrasound of my heart. i had no idea what they were going to tell me. upon finishing she told me she wanted to go get the doctor before she sent me away. the cardiologist on call came in shaking his head and told me i was way too young for him to tell me what he wasw about to tell me. i was in heart failure. my right ventricle was completely blocked with a clot and my left ventricle wasn't working at all. i had only 10-15% output coming from my heart. basically...if i hadn't come in when i did i very well could have died in my non-sleep that night. i could have widowed steve and orphaned my kids.

this news scared the daylights out of me. over the next few days they ran several blood tests trying to figure out the causes of the clots and heart failures. they have since concluded that while i was pregnant with orion a hormone was released in my body that attaacked my heart. and that it would be in my best interest to not have anymore babies. this recommendation broke my heart into a million pieces...there would never be a Clara Elizabeth. i have since accepted this fact and have decideed that tying my tubes would be in my best interest. i never want to be put into the position of having to decide to have an abortion if my IUD fails and i get pregnant. because the only other choice would be for my heart to competely fail during pregnancy and orphan 3 kids. neither of which are acceptable options in my book.

so as it is righ tnow...i am still in the hospital. i will probbaly be out by sunday but i am not getting my heart set on it, just in case they have to keep me longer. i have a great room mate who was just told about 5 minutes ago she wouldn't be able to go home today. shes crushed. but we will talk about it after our families leave and cry about it together. i don't know when i will be online again, but feel free to post comment and send messages when you feel like it.

keep me in your prayers